


God With Us

by ElizaStyx



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Emmanuel!Cas, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Filming, Fluff, Forgiveness, Getting Back Together, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, The Grand Cockles Breakup, season 7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2018-03-22 09:55:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3724552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizaStyx/pseuds/ElizaStyx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if the grand cockles breakup of 2011 was real? What if they really thought Castiel was gone for good and they wouldn't see each other again? What if Jensen didn't know until the very last moment that Misha was coming back as Emmanuel?</p>
            </blockquote>





	God With Us

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ChristinMKay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChristinMKay/gifts).



> The idea to write something on this topic came to me when I accidentaly came across [a post telling the whole story of what's known as the grand cockles breakup](http://jensenacklesmishacollins.tumblr.com/post/82143546173/i-was-directed-here-to-ask-about-the-cockles). I've discussed it with Christin and she told me about her beautiful, beautiful headcanon that Jensen didn't know Misha was coming back until they've met during the scene. Needless to say I had to write this.  
> The title is obviously a literal translation of the name Emmanuel.

_Today totally sucks._ Jensen thinks, gritting his teeth and drinking the last sip of his coffee angrily.

He can't quite understand why they are all being so secretive about this scene but it annoys the hell out of him. For some reason he didn't get the whole episode script yet and this tiny piece just doesn't make any sense on its own. He sneakily asks various people about it but every single one tries to sell him some bullshit and it's just really, really infuriating. He hates that he has to hope that the other actor, the Emmanuel guy, knows his shit because the scene is pretty emotional, God knows why, and they haven't gotten to rehearse it together at all. 

Jensen is annoyed because his life generally sucks recently. Fighting this demon#2 dude on the porch is somehow more fun than usually as he lets the anger take over. He 'stabs' him, feeling this grim satisfaction and as the guy rolls down the stairs, Jensen looks after him, expecting to find this Emmanuel whoever but instead... it's Misha.

He almost whispers his name, forgetting that they are still filming. He just stares, completely speechless, and he is no longer Dean because this man before him is no one else but Misha Collins himself, blue eyes and all. It is Misha, who he thought to be a part of his past rather than present. Misha, who wasn't supposed to return. Misha, who didn't hear a proper goodbye, which was entirely Jensen's fault. Misha, who suddenly started meaning too much to him and even though Jensen tried, never really stopped.

Jensen is no longer Dean because no matter how much Castiel means to his character, Misha means so much more to him.

"Cut!" yells the director, visibly content with the scene.

"Mish..." is all Jensen can whisper before Misha tears his gaze away from him and they are led to another set for their next scene.

He wants to say so much more, beg for forgiveness; he needs to make things right just this second but he is forced to be Dean again and say the lines that couldn't mean less to him. The only thing that keeps him together is that he can still say everything that matters with his eyes and so he does, not giving a fuck about what the script has to say on Dean's emotions. To him his own are far more important now.

Finally, his heart flutters as he can see in Misha's eyes the exact moment he breaks his character and understands that what Jensen shows are his real feelings, raw and bare before him - regret, shock, sheepish hope, longing and affection he can no longer deny.

And Misha doesn't hide back behind Castiel's eyes.

They shake hands and with this innocent touch everything comes back like a tide, all what they used to feel when their heated skin slid together, the passion so strong that the sheer memory of it leaves them breathless and yearning for it again.

Neither of them remembers if they even delivered the right lines afterwards but suddenly the scene is done, the director pats Jensen on the shoulder and everyone just leaves, nobody staying behind but them. Jensen is alone with Misha again after such a long time.

"Mish..." he whispers, hating the tears that blur his vision, don't allow him to see the face that he missed so much.

And before he can say anything else, **everything** else, Misha is there, hugging him tight and holding onto him as desperately as he never has before.

"I'm so sorry..." Jensen squeezes Misha, breathing in this infatuating scent of him, not caring that he is crying. "I was such a coward, I am so fucking sorry..."  
"I missed you, you asshole." Misha sniffs, nuzzling into Jensen's neck. "You didn't deserve it but I fucking missed you."

Jensen closes his eyes, leaning his head against Misha's. It's true that he doesn't deserve him but what he wants more than anything else now is to one day be able to say that he finally does.

"Why did I miss you?" Misha sobs. "Why couldn't I stop thinking about you?"  
"I don't know." Jensen smiles bitterly to himself. "But I'm glad you did." he kisses the crown of Misha's head. "I wish I could turn back the time and slap myself in the face. I hate myself for destroying everything, for hurting you."  
"Don't." Misha pulls back a little to look into his eyes. "You are a jerk but I knew that. I knew that and I shouldn't have pushed you, shouldn't have posted that stupid photo, shouldn't have tried to brag. I should have predicted it would make you freak out."  
"I shouldn't have freaked out. What we had was... **right** , perfect and I shouldn't have been ashamed of it." Jensen mutters, lost in Misha's beautiful eyes. "I really hope we still can have it back one day."

Once these words are said, the silence falls between them. Jensen can feel Misha's heart pounding hard and fast right against his chest and he hopes it's a good sign. He knows it has to take time but he is willing to wait as long as it's necessary and work hard to win Misha's heart back. He just wishes he will be given a chance.

A moment passes and Misha carefully cups his face. Jensen leans into it, only now realising just how much he missed this tender touch. However, he partly expects the soft endearment to turn into a slap or puch because this is what he deserves instead of love. Misha doesn't deliver though. He just strokes the freckled skin and thinks that he hates the make up artists for covering its natural perfection. His eyes are fixed on Jensen's features, learning them all over again and he discovers he can't be angry, sad or hurt any longer. He has suffered enough and now it's time to leave the pain behind.

"It will be hard." he says absently, more to himself that to Jensen. "Life is never too easy." he finally raises his eyes to meet Jensen's hopeful gaze. "You know, I probably have forgiven you the moment I saw you walk away, the moment my heart broke." he smiles softly. "I wanted to run after you and maybe I should have but everything hurt so much... And now it doesn't matter any more. Now I want to be with you but only if you truly are comfortable with this. I don't want you scared, afraid of people talking about us, judging us. I don't want you to feel stressed when with me. I want us together to be something purely happy, made out of rainbows, sweetness and love. Do you see my point, Jen?"

"I do." Jensen gulps, relief washing over him. "That's what I want too." he feels now more happy than ever so a tear rolling down his cheek surprises him; Misha wipes it off, his smile so sweet and loving.  
"Hey, no more tears from now on." he mutters silently and Jensen smiles back, his heart fluttering cheerfully because this is a promise.

Jensen knows he was an idiot, so dramatically screwing what they had for the sake of a vague threat of people suspecting a thing or two. In fact, now he wants nothing more but to show the world that Misha and him are good again.

That Misha loves him enough to forgive.

All those thoughts must be clearly showing in his eyes because Misha is on the verge of crying from joy too. His grin is crooked from emotions trying to take over and he just leans in and places a short, chaste kiss to Jensen's lips. It's exactly like the very first kiss they shared, shy, hesitant and full of affection. Jensen's heart melts as it is a sign of them starting over again and he pulls Misha back into a tight hug, his chest finally free from the heavy burden of guilt and sadness. It doesn't really matter that maybe they can't erase what has already happened because they sure as hell can write a new, better chapter of their story now. 

Nuzzling into Misha's soft hair, Jensen chuckles silently and muses at the memory of his horrible morning. It's honestly magical that today turned out to be one of the best days of his life, after all. 


End file.
